Posted on July 3, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: collaboration, communication, communication process, hear, Leadership, Learning, listen, listening, message, miscommunication, misunderstanding, Outcomes, rapport, Responsibilities, Responsibility, Results, success, team, teamwork, win/win outcome |
The quality of our communication with others in every context of our lives is critical to ensure we achieve what we want and desire.
I recently witnessed a team building exercise involving four large teams who were told that each team represented a particular belief. They were tasked to convert the group with the opposing belief to their way of thinking. Each team successfully assigned a leader, but no-one asked questions to gain clear understanding of what their belief meant to the team or what was their strategy to convert people across. In fact, the four teams splintered into smaller groups which went on to do their own thing. Noone was able to convert anybody across to their point of view, even though they all ultimately wanted the same outcome. It was a complete failure in communication.
If our communication is poor, we are unlikely to achieve our goals, and if we do, it’s probably due to ‘good luck’ rather than taking responsibility for what we hear or how we deliver our message. By being accountable for our communication, we determine our own personal success, because the outcome we get demonstrates how well we have taken ownership of this two way process.
The good news is, if our misunderstanding or message failed to get the outcome we wanted, we can review our communication and identify where we did well and not so well. This means we can do it differently and better next time if we notice what works and what doesn’t.
If our communication doesn’t get the results we like, there could be several reasons for miscommunication:
1. Agreement is made upon different meanings because parties haven’t checked to clarify if they have the same understanding.
2. Rapport hasn’t been created between parties and communication doesn’t allow engagement with one another. Sometimes rapport may not be necessary, but in many cases, being in a space where minds think similarly or are open to new ideas is essential for being understood and gaining understanding. It’s essential to create win/win outcomes, otherwise parties could be working at cross purposes with one another.
3. Parties haven’t articulated themselves as clearly as they could have. This could be due to:
o Not being clear about own outcomes. If we don’t know what the end result looks or feels like, we can’t possibly tell others what is required of them or carry out instructions. If we took responsibility for our communication, we would either clarify what a successful outcome looks like so we can identify with what’s required; or we take time out to assess what we want to achieve so we can communicate it effectively.
o Assumptions were made about the information we delivered or received. We cannot afford to make assumptions that our audience has the same understanding as us because we all see and interpret the world differently due to our individual values and beliefs.
o Seeing the big picture versus the little picture, and vice versa. Some people see the world in big chunks of information and others see it in lots of detail. If a big picture person conveys limited, high level information to someone who requires details to see the whole picture, there will potentially be a misunderstanding. The big picture person might expect the detailed person to be able to fill in the gaps, but if the detailed person can’t see the bigger picture, they may not reach the same level of understanding as the bigger picture person because of their individual view of how they see the world. The reverse is also possible; the big picture person may get lost or switch off ‘listening’ to the finer details.
In all of the above cases, the key to understanding is checking in and asking questions to ensure everyone has the same level of understanding. This means allowing for questions and answers and checking in to determine if everyone has understood the same meaning. This could be as simple as each party repeating back their interpretation of the communication they have just been part of.
George Bernard Shaw, Irish playwright profoundly said; ‘The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.’ Yet it is the quality of our communication that will determine the quality of our lives. If we take responsibility for what we say and what we hear, and continually seek to improve our level of communication, we are likely to achieve more successful outcomes no matter how small or big our objectives are.
If your communication gets the results you seek, then you are taking responsibility for it. If you notice you’re not getting the results you want, you have a great opportunity to improve your communication by assessing your style and changing it so it’s far more effective by:
• Asking for honest feedback from your audience
• Determining if you really did get the results you wanted
• Asking yourself where you believe you could have done better or where misinterpretation might have occurred
• Asking yourself if your audience were with you or against you
By taking these initial steps, you are on the way to improving your communication, and ultimately your personal success.
Remember you are responsible for the outcomes in your life. It’s up to you to change your thoughts and actions to be able to achieve the goals and dreams you desire.
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Posted on June 18, 2009. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: communication, Direction, effective communication, misunderstanding, perception, the map is not the territory |
The way we perceive the world we live in is affected by our own individual values, attitudes, beliefs and experiences. In other words, the meanings we give situations, events, people, and even ourselves, is influenced by our different cultural upbringings and life experiences. Consequently, no two people will ever create the exact same meaning for any one particular event, situation or person.
Therefore it’s important that we don’t assume that everyone else will see, hear or feel the same experience as we do, and therefore give it the same meaning. If we did assume everyone has the same perception or understanding, this could result in misinterpretation, debate, disagreement, argument, or at the very worse case, war.
You’ve probably had various situations where you’ve witnessed the same event as someone else, but you’ve both given it a different meaning. These differences in our perceptions aren’t really surprising since we are bombarded with over two million bits of information every second, but can only take in about seven bits at any one time. We do this by deleting, distorting and generalising information, leaving out what we don’t think is relevant. Say, for example, we have a garden full of weeds. We might choose to delete the fact that there are weeds and ignore them completely. Or we could distort the situation by believing the weeds look attractive. Or we may even generalise because everyone else has weeds, believing it’s acceptable to leave the weeds in the garden.
By realising that we delete, distort and generalise information, we can start to explore how we do this on a regular basis in areas where we’re not getting the outcomes we want or in areas where we want to improve. So if you are experiencing the same old results in one area of your life, ask yourself the following:
– What can I do differently to ensure I get different results?
– What would somebody else do in my position – someone who I know gets great outcomes?
– What’s preventing me from getting the results I want? What are the barriers?
– What are the opportunities am I choosing not to notice?
– If I could achieve the best outcome I want, without fear or risk, what could I do?
– What would be the benefit to me and others if I change my strategy to achieve different results?
By being aware that we have our own unique way of viewing the world, and by removing our own personal assumptions and judgement, we can also take the time to appreciate and comprehend someoneelse’s ‘map’ of the world. By doing this, we can promote more effective and relevant communication with others. We can’t expect someone to change their view simply by pointing out what we perceive as a failing in their understanding. Our way of thinking may not suit, or even fit logically with their way of thinking, especially when that other person’s view of the world has been developed over many years and influenced by many different things to get the outcomes they want – even if they aren’t great results!
For example, if someone is constantly slow to take action, it might be easy to judge them as lazy. But what if something else is stopping them from taking immediate action? What if it’s a lack of confidence or a lack of knowledge and know-how?
If we take time to explore that person’s map, we could potentially identify what’s preventing them from getting the ultimate outcomes they want. By understanding their point of view, we might be able to assist them to find solutions by uncovering what they might have generalised, deleted and distorted with the use of great questions. For example, a person who has difficulty in achieving a particular task might believe when they can’t do that one, it means they can’t do any task. We could ask probing questions, like those already mentioned, and assist them remember tasks successfully completed in the past; a fact they had simply deleted, distorted or generalised in their current frame of mind. Uncovering past successes empowers them to realise that they have all the resources they need to succeed.
So it’s about understanding your own map and accepting other people’s perception will be different from our own. When we do this, we promote mutual understanding and are able to communicate at a meaningful level, maximising our chances of achieving our ultimate goals.
As American lawyer Dandemis says, ‘Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.’
Remember you have the power to change the outcomes you are getting in your life. It’s up to you to take ownership of your thoughts and actions to achieve your desired vision and goals.
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